So um...hey. Pardon my disappearance. Been going through...school... stuff...life...

Have met lots of new people...getting used to some, hating others more and more, getting particularly fond of some...

I've learned a lot about myself recently. Slowly figuring out more and more how my mental process works. In that light, here's my college essay because...well...I don't know what else to write right now. It was prompt-based, and constrained to 500 words.


My name is Carolyn Raffel, and I am this, that, and everything in between. I live in the past, present, and future. I am light, darkness, and the grey areas created by both. I am happiness, sadness, and the confused state between the two. I am creative, awkward, cynical, and sympathetic. Sometimes I am confused, sometimes I am understanding. Like most humans, I am a mass of contradictions.

There are a few things that keep me together. Music has always been pivotal in my life. My family will never let me forget that when I was two or three years old, I would love to constantly climb up to my grandparents’ piano to pound out melodies. I ended up starting lessons a few years later and have not stopped since. I rarely feel as free as I do when I am sitting at the keys, focused on nothing but the rhythmic and melodic thumps of clothen hammers on metal filaments. It’s a beautiful thing, really: the harmony of percussion and strings. Learning piano has taught me the value of practice, no matter how tedious and overwhelming some compositions can be at first. As with any other stubborn child, I used to loathe having to practice. In fact, sometimes, I still do. But, what fuels my pursuit is the unexplainable feeling I get when I am lost in a song.

Another thing I lose myself in is photography. Like music, photography is also riddled with meticulousness and intricate beauty. Half the trouble is finding it. This is my favorite challenge. I grew up in a family in which cameras were a vital part of every vacation and every occasion. Of course, my mother would always snap those quintessential shots of me in front of the castle at Disney, but she also would take the time to look for those not-so-obvious photo-ops. When I got my first camera and was able to pop in a real roll of film for the first time, I took it upon myself to put all of my efforts into finding new perspectives on things. But, I seek to capture unique moments, no matter how hard to find they might be.

I live my life moment by moment. I wish to apply my call (which I am still trying to attain the exact frequency of) to capture that which cannot be easily captured to my daily life, and be able to extend it to anyone willing to spare a wink of attention. Despite my personal contradictions, over time I’ve learned, note by note and shot by shot, how to find menageries of details in other things and other people. Still, I have accepted that nothing is certain and that I change with every word I hear or think or say. I am content with remaining undefined, as long as I can continue capturing the smallest day to day experiences as foundations for my existence, and can continuously ponder other outrageous things including life, the universe, and everything.


Kthnxbai?